*[_____________**It's so surreal yet so true**___________[[Scattered Memories]]_____________

*[_____________**It's so surreal yet so true**___________[[Scattered Memories]]______________]*

dumbiee gurL and sillyBOI

the truth is tearing up my heart
i cant regconize this place
the endless road without a stop sign
cant even find a stranger this time
why am i still holding back my tears
in this loneliness there's nothing to fear
evry chord seems wonder
how could we be together
everytime i ask this would this be the last
why am i still talking to myself
hoping you would have the keys to cell
every song might calm the weather
but it jus draws me deeper
how do i get out of this
i think i never will

i told myself waiting for you
wasnt going to be of any use if you wont return
why must I spend every minute of my life thinking of you, waiting for you
If I had known earlier that you dont feel anything for me,
everything i do isnt of any use
you left me waiting and aching for you in the dark,
keeping the painful truth for me...that you will never be back in my arms again

Sunday, April 30, 2006
2:51 PM

I'm so bored now. I'm waiting for the time to pass by, to step out of my house. Meeting my ex later. Mm.. if it is six months ago, perhaps i'll be feeling relatively happy. Haha. But the feeling isn't there anymore. I didn't get to see him for at least six months or so? Lol. I actually wanted to postpone this meeting up till tomorrow so that i'm able to accompany my dear today, but seems that, that busy guy have activities of his own already huh? So well, i shall just go according to the original plan then.

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

Saturday, April 22, 2006
4:31 AM

Dear, I've just read your blog and I think that we have both mistook each other for something. You said you are fustrated when you saw me walking away? While i thought that you were already fustrated with me in the bus that's why i walked towards the service center to ask if the last bus have gone. After i got the answer, you were no longer in the interchange. That is when i got fustrated. So i walked home instead, hoping to calm myself down during the walking journey. I know that you are doing it for the sake of my safety. Sorry, I was too stubborn to think at that time, to think that you are doing it because you care.

Sorry for being so selfish. I already know that you are tired after the whole day of orientation and moreover you didn't sleep the night before. Yet, you still have to come all the way down to geylang just to send me home. And i even arrived late which cause you unable to catch the last bus. But darling, if you are really tired, don't have to send me. Trust me that i can take care of myself. I can give you a call or sms you to report my safety after i reach home.

Darling, you made me depend on you so much.. how do you think i'm gonna survive without you?

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

Friday, April 21, 2006
2:03 AM

At this moment, i wish that time will not pass by so fast. I don't wanna to go back to school so soon. After seeing my timetable today, i felt devastated. Although i had not much complains about the time arrangement, but, its gonna change again. I'm using my current timetable for monday only. Repeating the same subjects again.. Argh... stress up! I have to pass all four subjects in order to continue my poly life. I guess next semester is gonna be dull. No more breaks! Oh.. motivation.. where are you? I'm yet to find my motivation yet. At a moment of desperation, i feel like giving up on everything. But, i know i will regret after my senses have been awaken. Well, i shall endure it. What other choices do i have? None!

Everything seems to go wrong wrong wrong!! Nothing seems to go right today. I feel like screaming.. i really really do. ARGH. There are fustration in me. Something seems to be squeezing my heart hard, making me hard to breathe. It was like an nightmare, and i can't get out of it. I'm living inside it. I wish it was just a dream. Dream dream dream.. but it was real. So many things to do, so little time. I can't take stress.. I will end up in tears. And i feel like doing that now.. I need a break!

I know that this time, it's my fault. I'm sorry...

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

Wednesday, April 19, 2006
3:10 AM

I can't get to sleep again. But it's an expected case.. How could i get to sleep when i got up at seven in the evening. I stayed at home for the whole day without any complains today (or should it be yesterday). One reason is because i slept for the whole day and i woke up because i'm hungry. (die le.. i know what my dear is gonna think.. his favourite phrase lar).. Mm.. i can't think of the second reason.. i think that's the only reason. =p

Tomorrow(or rather today) is gonna be another day at home. Maybe i should ask ling out.. as promised. I realized that i've promised outing with people but put them on 'aeroplane' in the end. Oops.. =x .. I'll made it up on some other day. Well, at least apart from today.. i've got activities for the rest of the week. Hmm.. not too bad. I don't wanna be a rotting corpse. Hurhur.. School's starting so soon. There's still some stuff left undone. It's gonna be a long long weeks before my next school holiday.

Mm.. i wonder what happen to ling. She seems to have gone disappear after her trip to eugene's house. What am i thinking.. she is only not online yesterday.. But i miss her can? I miss meiyun too.. i'm waiting to see my jie fu lar. Curious can? Friday.. woohoo..

And, dear.. there's something lingering inside me.. I know that Jossie plays an important memory inside you. I know that you rely alot on her. So if you always mention about her, i accept it. Even if you do miss or think of her sometimes, i will also accept it. Or even if you happen to call me wrongly, calling me by her name instead, i will still accept it. But don't compare me with her ok? I don't like comparision. And i am who i am. I'm not Jossie. I know i will tend to rely on you more than you can rely on me. Maybe you can't rely on me at all. Maybe because i'm younger than you.. therefore my thinking might not be as mature. But even if it really did happen, or you did happen to think it that way, i will accept it too. It can't be help with one's thinking.. I don't know why, but sometimes, i'm hurt in some ways. But if you are thinking whether to hide it from me or to hurt me, i would rather you hurt me than keeping anything between us. This is my choice, so.. i will accept it. You asked me why i'm being so obedient sometimes. Because i know that my stubborness is always the cause of all troubles and quarrels. I knew it because it always happen. I don't want it to happen between us. I really don't want. I'm just telling you what am i thinking and the way i feel. I hope you will accept it too.

Love you

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

Sunday, April 16, 2006
3:35 AM

No doubt i've slept too much in the day. I can't get to sleep now. Mm. . another week to school reopen and i'm wishing that this week don't end so fast. There's a great changes among gb between the 1st semester and the 2nd. I wonder what changes will there be again this coming semester. Whatever changes it is.. i wish its gonna turn out well. Though sometimes, i could feel the distance somehow. And now that another one is leaving.. no doubt there's some slight sadness within me.

It's unbearable being grounded. With nothing to do and being alone makes me think about alot of stuff. It's some forgotten memories or illusion which i can't recall. Aww..There are stuff which keep my darling busy for the whole of next week.. so i guess.. i have to make some arrangement for myself.

I'm gonna miss you, my dear.

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

Friday, April 14, 2006
12:25 AM

I'm sorry my love, if i ever made you so upset because of my hesitation. It's been a week since we've been together. I don't know if i've ever made you upset during these days, but you have accomodate them all.

I understand that there will be something from your past which you would like to keep to yourself. I don't blame you for that, neither will i think that you are lying to me. I believe that behind us, there bound to be something which we have not tell. Though i've made some wild guesses during the conversation and i don't know if i'm right.. i still respect your wish of keeping it to yourself. I guess if there comes a day, when you wish to tell me, you will.

Darling you know what? I feel that i've fallen more for you. I saw your concern for me over every little thing. Though i didn't show it. But i do feel touched. But don't always bottled things up ok? I don't want to see you sad.

Love you, my heart.

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

Saturday, April 08, 2006
3:23 AM

7th april.. i hesitiated on the question you threw out suddenly. Seriously, i'm unsure of myself at that moment. I can't trust myself, how do i make you trust me? At my moment of hesitation, my mind was filled between you and him. I don't know if i should tell you this truth, or have you already guess it yourself?

I've agreed. No regrets. At least you are right. You've got the time which he don't, which i need. Our lifestyle, me and him, are totally different. We could get along, he could made me love him, he got my true love, but.. he can't give me the time which i need. If he could give me the time, just the time.. i won't be dwelling so much. Perhaps i get to know him 1st.. and fall for him, i'm blinded by him. I can't see the rest apart from him.

Maybe, now is a new beginning for everything. And now, you are the one..

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fallingg deeply in loveewit euu *

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