*[_____________**It's so surreal yet so true**___________[[Scattered Memories]]_____________

*[_____________**It's so surreal yet so true**___________[[Scattered Memories]]______________]*

dumbiee gurL and sillyBOI

the truth is tearing up my heart
i cant regconize this place
the endless road without a stop sign
cant even find a stranger this time
why am i still holding back my tears
in this loneliness there's nothing to fear
evry chord seems wonder
how could we be together
everytime i ask this would this be the last
why am i still talking to myself
hoping you would have the keys to cell
every song might calm the weather
but it jus draws me deeper
how do i get out of this
i think i never will

i told myself waiting for you
wasnt going to be of any use if you wont return
why must I spend every minute of my life thinking of you, waiting for you
If I had known earlier that you dont feel anything for me,
everything i do isnt of any use
you left me waiting and aching for you in the dark,
keeping the painful truth for me...that you will never be back in my arms again

Tuesday, May 30, 2006
3:12 AM

Ooo.. just finish reading many people's blog. lolx. And almost all have updated. I'm doing lame stuff. Reading blogs and writing testi. When am i going to study? Oh god! It's always tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow never ends. I know myself well alright? haha. *slaps myself for knowing it yet doing it* .. oh ya.. talking about the blog. I realize that it's lao da that comes into the picture during the 'incident' in zouk after reading ling's blog. Haha. So it's lao da that save us lor. Lao da jiu shi lao da.. always so protective towards us. When ling mention that lao da give the 'wo yao da ren le' look.. i was laughing like mad. Haha. Funny lo. I think ling updated alot on what happen. I'm lazy to go into details like they do.

I hope ling is alright and got her freedom soon. So poor thing.. She suffers all because of an night outing. What is her parents thinking? !st semester chalet is bad enough and now this? Haix.. oh all mommies and daddies.. please open up your mind. We teenagers are not living in your old 60's or 80's..

I told my parents about the restriction that some parents give. They say i 'sheng zai fu zhong bu zhi fu'.. but i was thinking.. i 'xin fu' mah? Lolx. They asked me what if i was also being restricted that way. I told them that i will die. And i think i seriously will.

Today..
Dennis asked: When i say gIna.. what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
Others answered: Late, play and everything except studying.
gIna: Imao!! Am i that bad?

Well..
All work and cropping up at home but no play or going out makes gIna a dull girl.

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Saturday, May 27, 2006
7:07 PM

Yesterday, a day of new experience. It's also a day of getting old. Oh man.. i hate that word. My sweet seventeen is GONE.. and will never be back. But well, it's sometime since we got to hang out together.

My Favourite Type of Photo Shoot. ~ 3 consecutive shots ~

On the way to Orchard

YongHua!! It's been a long long time since he hang out with us. I miss those days.

~Bo Liao~ + ~Zhi Lian~ = gIna and suLing

..Me, MeiYun and SuLing..

Whoever knows me, will know that i love those 'party-like' stuff. The very 1st experience of clubbing is not too bad to me. Probably because i got to the mood. Well, if i could make it for the so many 'dates' last time, probably yesterday night will not be my 1st experience anymore. But i think, i'll be going on occasionally base and not on addictive base. Maybe my next clubbing night will be quite some time later.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006
3:27 AM

Finally, i'm done with my cmsk 2. Phew.. one assignment completed. I kept falling asleep halfway through my assignment. zzz... but luckily i didn't slept through the night like yesterday.

At least my headache had subsides.. it's just a minor one. Probably not having enough sleep causes it to happen. Now it's just the cough... i'm waiting for it to cure.. Not that i'm trying to be stubborn and not wanting to see a doctor, but.. i just don't like to take medicine.

Listening to the classic tune of 'A song of memory' .. so much memory to recall indeed. Mine and others.. i'm walking into another person's memory.. and i'm sure that somewhere out there, someone is walking into my memory too. My memory, my past.. i still see the similarity now. What is that so? I don't want that.. i really don't want. Tell me its not true.. reassure me please..

~~ A voice from the past, joining yours and mine~~

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006
12:21 AM

A sweet melody from my phone made my heart skipped a beat. I shouldn't be thinking of it this way. Haix. But it's a false alarm. Oh well, i know times have changed.. things have changed.. so am i.

Feeling rather terrible this morning. Having headache, slight giddyness and the feel of throwing up is there too. I think i practically slept through half of the lesson then i went to the wash room... got the feeling of throwing up.. but i can't.. knees are weak and so i practically collaspe on the floor, sitting down. I think i stayed in the cubicle for quite some time, when i went back to the lab.. 10 mins plus had past. I think ling have blog some of the things which we did after my lab.

Alright.. have to start doing my cmsk. zzz

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
3:08 AM

Time is getting nearer to dateline. I hate this. Argh.. Ling, jf and ivan are gonna watch the movie 'voice' tomorrow. Can i not go?

What exactly is happening? Does everything has to change within the blink of an eye? Today i was telling kris that our people are dispersing. From group of 9 to group of 5. I don't care.. i'm gonna call for gathering next week. But this week hardly gone half yet. -.- I don't look that emotional at times, but sometimes i could get emotional over every little thing can?

Haix.. i wanna sleep.. don't wanna think. But.. i kept dreaming of something these days. Something so real but i can't remember what. I don't know what's messing inside my head. It's all confusion. I don't want to lead a simple life.. but doesn't mean that i want a life filled with complications, doubts and sadness.

Who can i be open up to? Tell me that. Of all the friends around me, there bound to be something which i'm keeping from them. It's not as if i could really speak everything that's in my mind. I don't want to look so vulnerable, i don't want them to know that i could collapse anytime. Kristin was testing a physicology test on me the other time, one of the question was to choose an animal, i chose horse, and she gave me a surprise look. Saying that the size of the animal you've chosen is the amount of troubles you had in your mind. I was smiling to her and said it was not accurate, i don't have that much trouble in my mind. But how accurate could it be?

Recently, there are quite a number of unhappiness coming upon us huh? I've lost count of the number of times the magic word, 'sorry' was used. I've also lost count of the number of times when we have tried to give in to each other.

gIna's most vulnerable side, was all exposed here.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006
9:45 PM

Sitting in the isolated room with four walls, listening to the splattering sound of the rain, i'm secured. With heart wandering outside my soul, waiting in slient pace, i'm totally insecured. My sudden thoughts caught the differences of life. It's like an item (something rather expensive) had caught the full attention of someone who has just step into a shop. It has caught the person's liking making him had the urge to get it. Without having much cash, he has no choice but to save day after day. Even taking a look at the item everyday could make him happy. He has to make every effort, making sure that it's not being sold out. Till the day when he got it, he will have the sense of happiness. But, sadly.. the love for the item does not last long. Soon, it would be something which could be dump away for a moment, pick it up again. Scatch it sometimes, drop it another time without having a bit of heartache. How long will it last before it's being totally dump aside? This is the metaphor of life. Of a two person's reality. Duration is the only difference. Responsibilty is another case.

There is emptyness in me. But i can't fill it to the brim. There is dilemma in me. But i can't make a choice. There is unspoken sorrow in me. But i can't get them out. There's no point lying to own heart. Uneasiness is what i felt. But i don't know the reason behind it. I've never felt so uneasy with a girl. It's like 2 teaspoon of 'apologic' syrup, 3 teaspoon of 'questioning' sugar, and 100ml of 'others' ingredients all mixed into a glass of 'gina's terrible feeling' water. And in that few minutes, i have to gobble them all down. I almost had choke to death.

Truth is what people always wanted. Lies is what people always unwanted. However, sweet words are what people love. Heart piercing words are what people hate. If sweet words are always the truth, why do we have to lie? If lies are what people hate, why want to listen to sweet words?

Darling, i know i've chose to tell you truth over lies all the time. And twice, i saw your expression changed immediately. Trust me, i won't give myself to someone out of sympathy. I won't put in true love out of sympathy. Sympathizing someone will not give me the true feeling of jealousy. You know, my heart is given to you. But please dear.. tell me what you are feeling and what you are thinking, happy or unhappy. Don't just give me a cold shoulder. I don't like that. It hurts at times, and at others, it's touching the tolerance. I really do love you. Love is sweet, but it do hurts. Here goes a philosophy: " The amount of love you put in is the amount of hurt you will get. " So don't try the hurting part on me. Cause it will hurt me more than a bullet in my heart.

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Friday, May 05, 2006
12:08 AM

Tommorow's gonna be a long day for me huh. Starting school at 8 and i guess i have to end my day off at around 2 plus midnight. I'm going to work for 3 hrs. How pathetic.

Drowsiness is dwelling on me. Yesterday was the day when i slept the earliest among my sooo very long past history. 12 plus.. haha. However, today ended fast too. It's just the 2nd week of school and i'm having truency. How to survive for the rest of the semester? Goodness! My cmsk tuitor even counted for me how many more times of invalid absence can i have before my debarment. zzz.. I'm suffering from severe STM nowadays. I could actually forgot that i've eaten before my cmsk lesson. And after my cmsk, i actually ask jiafei if she has eaten anything. She replied me, ' eaten le arh.. you still feel hungry arh? ' I was stunt for a moment. Then she continued with, ' we ate at norgen cafe remember? you had pasta. ' haha.. Still got others in the lab.. make me feel so .. dumbfounded...

I'm bored.. hurhurz.. i'm really bored lo..

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006
3:12 AM

1st of may, it may not be a day with special occurance to me. However, i guess it's gonna be a pretty sad day for some others. I know it's hard to accept the truth. But i don't know what can i do to solve the pain. Who wouldn't want to be with their loved ones. Moreover he is the one that she is determine to settle down with. I know how much she loves him and i could somehow feel part of her sadness. For these moment, if you ever need a friend, you know i'll be there. I know she can't see what i'm typing right now. But i just want to pour out all of what i'm feeling at this moment.

Dar, i really hope that our relationship won't be affected by weeleng or anyone else. I really hate quarrels and argument. Though someone told me that there will bound to be quarrels in a relationship and with quarrels around, the relationship will last. I don't know to believe this or not. But to me, i think if there are love around, the relationship will still last even without quarrels.

I guess i'm bored now, mumbling all these out. There's something going on. Something really bad. My dilemma is back again.

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